I'm sitting here getting ready to go to church where I've been asked to be an elder for the next three years and I'm listening to Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" over and over again. This just shows you the complexity of humanity. Or it shows you that I can compartmentalize with the best of 'em!
So my quandary now is what to do about the person of interest in my life right now. His situation is not clear and free although he's not married or in love. Even saying that means I'm trying to justify my behavior when I know darned well that I need to just walk away. But damn! He's sexy, funny, smart, ambitious, and did I mention sexy? And he wants to spend time with me and tells me these things that make me lose my breath. Could be that he's even freakier than I am. Any one that jumps out of a plane willingly or gets their nipple pierced on a dare likes risk a bit more than me.
So you can see what the dilemma is....live the straight and somewhat narrow now that I am to be a church leader or give into this temptation and spend more time with him. I want to do both, but as in the past I am afraid that if I don't take the opportunity to be with him, it won't come around again and I will regret it. Although more than likely I'll end up feeling much like I did after being with Mike. Alone in a relationship.
Ok, so the strong, rational part of me has decided to stay away. Ignore him and if he gets in touch with me, just explain that with this new development in my life, I can't be in his life until he gets his straightened out. If he doesn't make a move then I know what the answer to "what's he in this for?", won't I?
Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can't we be like animals and just mate and move on? I suppose being human means we are relational creatures. "No man is an island..." and whatnot. But it's just cruel to have to go through this crap.
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