It's been a while. Like a long while. I think I have moved once, changed jobs several times and watched as my family unit has evolved. All this means stress!!!! What have I done in the past when I am stressed? EAT!!!!
Today is day three of the newest program. I don't know why but this one feels different. I am finally taking it seriously and have the image in my mind of what I want to look like and feel like when I am done. So here's the story. I started at my new job in December. Since then I have put on an additional 8-9 pounds topping out at over 190 (191-192 at times). I don't like looking at myself, don't like getting dressed up, don't like being out with people. Pretty much I have turned into a fat, lumpy hermit. This is not what I want to be. I have tried the usual giving up stuff, restricting this food or that food, tried workout programs, running programs, you name it, I have tried it. Something always came up where I 'couldn't' do whatever the regime asked for and within a week or two, I had given up.
About a month ago, someone new started in my group. Now we are a foursome, the cubes are all filled and we are working with all engines on go! This new person has made me feel less like an outsider and more normal within the group. I am the oldest person in the group, but not the manager of the group which brings it's own complications. Then because I am about to send someone off to college, while the rest of them are just beginning their married and parented lives, I don't have much in common. I see them making the right decisions where I made the wrong ones - wrong in the sense that I am not further along in my career or financial security, that kind of wrong, not that any one has died or a country has been put into revolution. I was beginning to feel like I was an alien. But with the new person, I began to feel like it wasn't just me thinking "Yeah, I can't afford $200 a plate dinner receptions on a weekly basis".
So my boss had participated in a fitness competition and worked out with a trainer during that. This trainer has also written a book in which my boss and her experience is highlighted. So my coworker and I decided we would do the program in the book. The book is "Drop 2 Sizes" and it gives detailed menu plans and workout plans. The idea is the right food and the right exercises will help you not to lose weight, that is a by-product, but to change your body mass to be more lean muscle which further helps you to get into the best shape of your life. I think the clincher for me is that I know someone in the book, I can ask her questions or hear how it worked for her directly, without the 'editing' a book may have.
We got the book last week and started on Monday. I can tell I am motivated because I have been cooking all week and I got my ass out of bed at 6 am to get to the gym by 7 to workout before a day of training at work. I have done two workouts, one on day 1 and one today. Today's workout got rid of the aches and pains from Monday's workout....and I am already feeling today's workout in my abs and legs. Fortunately, my new job has an gym in house so I only have to pop over from one building to the next.
I think the difference between this plan and the other plans is that it's not just me doing it and I have a daily check in. I know in the past I have suggested to friends to do something at the same time, but there was no accountability. This time I have a daily check, almost to the hour. It's good to have someone to share the experience with and to commiserate with when I'm feeling down.
So, expect to hear more from me as I go through this journey.
TTYL,
Annie
Friday, May 3, 2013
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Ouch, ouch, ouch...am I supposed to be able to move after this?::
So I went last Thursday to crossfit and was barely able to finish it. I was practically in tears from frustration. Not sure if it was all the lactic acid build up in my muscles or the fact that I was trying to do burpees with an extra 40 lbs on me, but I was about ready to quit right there. Other folks there told me to not get discouraged and I tried to keep that in mind as I went home and proceeded to sit hunched over my laptop for hours working. I slept for about an hour and then went to work for the whole day. I was sore, tired, grumpy and made others grumpy too. Ahhh....spreading the joy.
I did however get up Saturday morning and go to the gym (LA Fitness) and do a benchmark workout for about an hour. I was NOT at the prescribed weight for any of the exercises, but I did 3 rounds in an hour. Not the prescribed rounds, but hey we had stuff to get done that day.
I took Sunday off, but signed up for classes last night, tonight and Thursday night. Last night I struggled with chin ups, tonight I struggled with mountain climbers and Thursday I'll struggle with something else, but there are other things I don't struggle with. Like tonight I shoulder pressed 70lbs, more than once! I know there are things I have to work on on my own like double unders, wall squats and strengthening my wrists, but like someone said earlier - I was there! Showing up is half the battle. Once you're there, you might as well do the workouts right?
Right now, my shoulder aches, my knee and my hip ache and I'll wake up in the morning to 2 Aleve and some aches and pains, but my shoulders are getting definition, doing certain motions are getting easier and I can see a difference in my posture. I mean just the amount of sweat I am putting out after a workout means I'm doing something!
So I'm off to shower and the bed. With luck, some of this weight will start falling off so I have less to lug up in the air for chin ups or toes to the bar. Baby steps, right?
Here are the workouts I did for the last four visits to a gym:
Thursday:
After a warm up which for the life of me I cannot remember:
AMRAP in 10 minutes (should have been 5)
4 overhead squats (I used a 10lb weight)
6 Ring Dips or box dips
8 Burpees
I got about 5 rounds in
Saturday:
WU: 4 sets of 10 reps each of Sampson lunges, OH squats, situps and dips
WO: 5 RFT (rounds for time) of 800 m run, 30 kettleball swings (started with 15lbs, moved down to 8), 30 pull ups - I moved to a reverse row after the first round. I made 3 rounds in an hour.
Monday:
WU: 4 sets of 8-10 reps of reverse lunges with bar - I had 35# but could probably have done more, and chinups - as many as possible but at least 5 per set, I used 2 bands for this one.
WO: 3RFT of 8 front squats (35#) and 400m run. I finished in 10:56
Tuesday:
WU: 8 sets: 5,3,3,2,2,1,1,1 Shoulder presses - I did 55# from the floor for the 8 sets and then did a couple more at 65# and 70# from the rack.
WO: 4 RFT - 150 Mountain Climbers (MC) - I will be getting the hang of double unders so I only have 50 of DU's to do instead - 15 Wall Balls (WB) (I used 6# ball) and 10 toes to bar (T2B) - this I could get at least to waist level. I finished in 18:44 I think.
Tomorrow is a rest day. THANK GOD!
FxF
Annie
I did however get up Saturday morning and go to the gym (LA Fitness) and do a benchmark workout for about an hour. I was NOT at the prescribed weight for any of the exercises, but I did 3 rounds in an hour. Not the prescribed rounds, but hey we had stuff to get done that day.
I took Sunday off, but signed up for classes last night, tonight and Thursday night. Last night I struggled with chin ups, tonight I struggled with mountain climbers and Thursday I'll struggle with something else, but there are other things I don't struggle with. Like tonight I shoulder pressed 70lbs, more than once! I know there are things I have to work on on my own like double unders, wall squats and strengthening my wrists, but like someone said earlier - I was there! Showing up is half the battle. Once you're there, you might as well do the workouts right?
Right now, my shoulder aches, my knee and my hip ache and I'll wake up in the morning to 2 Aleve and some aches and pains, but my shoulders are getting definition, doing certain motions are getting easier and I can see a difference in my posture. I mean just the amount of sweat I am putting out after a workout means I'm doing something!
So I'm off to shower and the bed. With luck, some of this weight will start falling off so I have less to lug up in the air for chin ups or toes to the bar. Baby steps, right?
Here are the workouts I did for the last four visits to a gym:
Thursday:
After a warm up which for the life of me I cannot remember:
AMRAP in 10 minutes (should have been 5)
4 overhead squats (I used a 10lb weight)
6 Ring Dips or box dips
8 Burpees
I got about 5 rounds in
Saturday:
WU: 4 sets of 10 reps each of Sampson lunges, OH squats, situps and dips
WO: 5 RFT (rounds for time) of 800 m run, 30 kettleball swings (started with 15lbs, moved down to 8), 30 pull ups - I moved to a reverse row after the first round. I made 3 rounds in an hour.
Monday:
WU: 4 sets of 8-10 reps of reverse lunges with bar - I had 35# but could probably have done more, and chinups - as many as possible but at least 5 per set, I used 2 bands for this one.
WO: 3RFT of 8 front squats (35#) and 400m run. I finished in 10:56
Tuesday:
WU: 8 sets: 5,3,3,2,2,1,1,1 Shoulder presses - I did 55# from the floor for the 8 sets and then did a couple more at 65# and 70# from the rack.
WO: 4 RFT - 150 Mountain Climbers (MC) - I will be getting the hang of double unders so I only have 50 of DU's to do instead - 15 Wall Balls (WB) (I used 6# ball) and 10 toes to bar (T2B) - this I could get at least to waist level. I finished in 18:44 I think.
Tomorrow is a rest day. THANK GOD!
FxF
Annie
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Hump Day!
Surprisingly, I feel good considering I was feeling day one pain from last night's workout starting about 1 pm today. As long as I don't move, I'm fantastic! Trying to get out of the chair, the car or go to the bathroom....I am like my grandmother with the broken hip, using whatever I can to leverage myself up. Once I get going I'm alright, but changing from up to down or down to up...OMG!!!!!
Tonight, the rest of the group was just as sore as me. We had a different trainer today. We learned more about the different types of typical exercises that will be included in the various WOD's (that's 'workout of the day' in case you missed it). That was our warm up for tonight including box jumps, jump rope, kettle ball swings, wall balls and some different types of lifts with the weight bar. I will have to get a jump rope to practice my DU's - double unders. I love it when I get code words. So basically, not only do I have to jump rope (making all my jiggly parts jiggle a lot more), but I have to at the same time, work on my coordination to be able to pass the jump rope under my feet twice in one jump. And this is where the low copay on medical visits comes in handy.....
The WOD was:
10 to 1
Dead lifts
Power Push
I used a 35 lb bar and could zip through the dead lifts, but the overhead lifts, my arms are like jelly. I will definitely be a T-rex tomorrow....very little arm motion range.
After this week, I have to decide when I'll be fitting the classes into my schedule. Getting there is a struggle, but I am hoping as the days get longer, traffic will improve so it's not so bad. We'll see right?
Learning my lesson from last night, I ate at 4 so as to give enough time to digest before doing the workout. Of course I was starving when I finally got home from class and from taking Alex to his dad's. I was fairly good - scrambled eggs with wild onions, garlic powder and some cheese sprinkled in. DELICIOUS! The trainer tonight asked if we had any nutrition questions. She said that people tend to put the nutritional changes last when implementing health changes, when really they need to do that first. I mentally want to, but convincing that evil twin that craves a box of chocolate covered donuts at 1 am, that's gonna be a struggle!
Well off to bed...hopefully I'll be able to get out of bed in the morning....come on Day 2 pain!
FxF
Annie A.
Tonight, the rest of the group was just as sore as me. We had a different trainer today. We learned more about the different types of typical exercises that will be included in the various WOD's (that's 'workout of the day' in case you missed it). That was our warm up for tonight including box jumps, jump rope, kettle ball swings, wall balls and some different types of lifts with the weight bar. I will have to get a jump rope to practice my DU's - double unders. I love it when I get code words. So basically, not only do I have to jump rope (making all my jiggly parts jiggle a lot more), but I have to at the same time, work on my coordination to be able to pass the jump rope under my feet twice in one jump. And this is where the low copay on medical visits comes in handy.....
The WOD was:
10 to 1
Dead lifts
Power Push
I used a 35 lb bar and could zip through the dead lifts, but the overhead lifts, my arms are like jelly. I will definitely be a T-rex tomorrow....very little arm motion range.
After this week, I have to decide when I'll be fitting the classes into my schedule. Getting there is a struggle, but I am hoping as the days get longer, traffic will improve so it's not so bad. We'll see right?
Learning my lesson from last night, I ate at 4 so as to give enough time to digest before doing the workout. Of course I was starving when I finally got home from class and from taking Alex to his dad's. I was fairly good - scrambled eggs with wild onions, garlic powder and some cheese sprinkled in. DELICIOUS! The trainer tonight asked if we had any nutrition questions. She said that people tend to put the nutritional changes last when implementing health changes, when really they need to do that first. I mentally want to, but convincing that evil twin that craves a box of chocolate covered donuts at 1 am, that's gonna be a struggle!
Well off to bed...hopefully I'll be able to get out of bed in the morning....come on Day 2 pain!
FxF
Annie A.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Who signs me up for this crap?????
Day one of Cross Fit on the Move. Oh My God! I thought I was gonna hurl and I wasn't even a third of the way thru the workout. I finished though, made it home, put laundry away, showered, got the boy in bed and got some work done. I won't make it to bed on time tonight, but I worked out like a mo-fo today. Here is the workout in case anyone wants to follow along:
Warm up:
Warm up:
- Rowing (machine obviously since we didn't have a boat handy) 200m
- Squats - 2 minutes
- 10 pushups (good form - keep that butt tucked in!)
- 400m run
Workout:
- 400 m run
- 15 pullups, pushups and squats
- 12 pullups, pushups and squats
- 9 pullups, pushups and squats
- 400m run
I completed in 14:04. I'm guessing this was a benchmark workout and I will probably do this again soon to see my progress. Hopefully, I'll make some. #1 progress is to not feel nauseous after the run and the first set of pullups. After that I went outside for a minute to cool off, catch my breath. Next time I want to pace myself so I can make it through without stopping. #2 progress is to do an actual pull up - using the bar - and not the modification of the ring row. #3 progress is to not do girlie push ups - legs straight, butt tucked, pound them out. My squats were my best format - had those down pat. One lady nearby clicked every time she did one. Thankfully that wasn't me. Today. However, tomorrow is probably another thing altogether.
This morning I had weighed in at 170.8. We'll see if I cross the 170 barrier in the morning. Fingers crossed...well they would be if they didn't hurt like the rest of me.
I also got the guide for the gluten free diet - not sure I have the strength to start that until the weekend. Planning is #1 and with nothing but rice chex and skim milk for breakfast, I'm not gonna be able to start right away. I struggle with maintaining interest past the first week so with everyone watching (so to speak) I have to definitely make more of an effort. And no more wasting fresh veggies by buying them and letting them rot in the fridge while I eat cookies and microwaved pizzas. How stupid is that right?
I am struggling with the idea of deprivation. I know I shouldn't be feeling that way because I will be full, but right now it feels like I am giving up the good stuff. I need to change the mindset to giving up the bad stuff. Like if I was giving up cigarettes or something like that. I know I need to give up the sodas...today I read that the same ingredient used in flame retardant is used in Mountain Dew. So in those commercials where the kids do stupid things...there's a reason for that. I need to warn my cousin in Florida who drinks those like I drink Diet Pepsi's. I'm sure she'd say the same thing back to me....aspartame causes brain damage and increases my chances of getting diabetes. AWESOME! No wonder I can't think anymore.
Well, the nausea has passed, but the exhaustion is setting in. Happy Tuesday everyone!
FxF
Annie A.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Man that hurts!
Falling off the wagon should leave physical marks like, well like you fell off a wagon. Why is it a wagon anyway? Wouldn't a bus be faster, and you'd be less likely to fall off of it...just sayin'....but I digress.
So I avoided blogging when I started drinking soda again, kept avoiding it when I couldn't stop eating at 8 pm, and when the new year weekend came and went, I figured I'd get back into it when I settled into a new workout routine. These things did not happen, neither the blogging, nor the workout routine.
Here is what I know. I procrastinate. I like to sit around reading or working on the computer or watching TV rather than hiking mountains, doing triathalons or whatever other outrageously physical activity there is out there. I also know that I don't like my stationary lifestyle and I make forays to change it but nothing sticks. Here's why: Patience.
We all know I don't have any and so when I don't see some tremendous effect in the first week, I lose interest. I allow one bad habit to creep back in, then another, and then I am right back playing FB games for hours on end, stuffing a bag of cookies in my mouth while watching TV and NOT doing anything physical or productive.
That ends. Actually it already ended. These are the changes I've made:
So I avoided blogging when I started drinking soda again, kept avoiding it when I couldn't stop eating at 8 pm, and when the new year weekend came and went, I figured I'd get back into it when I settled into a new workout routine. These things did not happen, neither the blogging, nor the workout routine.
Here is what I know. I procrastinate. I like to sit around reading or working on the computer or watching TV rather than hiking mountains, doing triathalons or whatever other outrageously physical activity there is out there. I also know that I don't like my stationary lifestyle and I make forays to change it but nothing sticks. Here's why: Patience.
We all know I don't have any and so when I don't see some tremendous effect in the first week, I lose interest. I allow one bad habit to creep back in, then another, and then I am right back playing FB games for hours on end, stuffing a bag of cookies in my mouth while watching TV and NOT doing anything physical or productive.
That ends. Actually it already ended. These are the changes I've made:
- I gave up FB games two weeks ago. It's caused me to be on the computer a lot less too. I am more productive at work since I am not sneaking off to my FB page to send gifts or work on goals or whatever.
- I have tried a couple of different meal plans, but one thing is for sure...no more gluten. I bought Ezekiel bread the other day for the kids, but I am working hard at finding gluten free products (delicious chocolate cookies by Pamela's in case you're interested).
- I finally called and made my appointment to use the Cross Fit on the Move (CFOTM) Groupon I bought a couple of months ago. I had my first class tonight. More on that later.
- I am working hard at getting enough sleep and not taking stress from home to work and stress from work home at night. I am enjoying spending time with my family. Soon I may be ready to venture out into public...not yet though.
I have done these things this month. I hope with the CFOTM classes, I will actually get my ass moving again. I have a bet with a friend that the person that loses 10 lbs first gets a new purse from the other person. Sadly neither of us is doing all that well although she is in a pant size smaller while I am bursting the seams on my size 14's. She is 5 (or more) inches taller than me - how can she be in clothes smaller than me??? What is up with that?
One of the things we had to do tonight was write down 5 goals that being at CFOTM would help us accomplish. This is a list of the 4 I wrote down and the one I secretly keep in my head as the REAL motivator for my fitness kick this go round:
- I want to reach my goal weight of 138 lbs. This would mean losing (as of this morning's weigh in) 35.2lbs.
- I want to be able to run a 1/2 marathon in under 2:15:00 - that would mean improving my record by 5-7 minutes, but would entail getting faster and in better shape to be able to endure a 1/2 marathon.
- I want to be in clothes 2-3 sizes smaller (this is an 8 or a 10).
- I want to be healthy and strong and fit.
and the 5th reason - I want to look so damned good, 'that' guy will regret not picking me. You know the guy. The one that when you think about him you start to salivate, the one that in your current state, he doesn't look twice at you, the one that you would love to have hanging on the line while you make him crazy for you. Yeah, that guy. We all have one, had one or want one. So while I am not doing this to get him back, I am thankful to him for giving me the motivation to do this. I want to be confident in my skin enough to know he wants me and you know what, I don't want him anymore.
Okay, well I have to get offline now so I can make my bedtime of 10:30. It's a shame my brain doesn't know it's bedtime yet, but soon, soon I will get my rhythms back. Nite nite all!
FxF (Fit by Forty)
Annie
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Day 17 - The Creep
Creep.
Interesting word. It can mean really obnoxious person that makes your skin crawl when you see them. It can mean to move slowly and furtively to avoid detection. That second definition can also be used in slang to mean sneaking around on your loved one (yes, that's a TLC reference). Today though it means, all those urges and cravings and bad habits sneaking back into my routine and derailing me from success, like kudzu up a phone pole.
Last night, I got home from work to find two day laborers in my bathroom redoing the shower. A bit weird to have two people I didn't know hanging around, but at least I have a newly tiled (albeit tiled incorrectly) shower to show for it. I thought that I wouldn't get pressured into eating a big meal I didn't need or want simply because the kids needed to have dinner. I just had a banana (my fruit for the day) and watched some TV. Eventually though, my cravings got the best of me and I made the 3 (count 'em 3!) boxes of the Pillsbury ready to cook holiday cookies. Then I doled them out stingily to the children and guarded them by putting them next to me on the couch. It was well after 8 pm when I started making them. I finished eating around 10:30 when I put the rest of the cookies in a bag in the kitchen for the next day. Sadly, I brought the bag with me to work....although I have not eaten anything yet.
I am thinking that the 8pm cut off might be the hardest step so far. I have been able to resist the urge to drink sodas, and thus far I am two for two on my goal for this week, but being awake for hours after that 8 pm cutoff knowing that I won't be able to eat anything is doing two things to me: making me eat more before the cutoff time and making me think about food ALL the time!
Last night, as I was laying in bed regretting my food choices for the day, I thought I am not alone. At lunch yesterday, we went to Ted's and while everyone else got a burger, I got a salad. Although the salad did have steak strips on it, bacon and bleu cheese, it had about 2 1/2 cups of lettuce (spinach greens - my favorite), cucumbers, carrots and radishes. I didn't eat the whole thing and I felt full and satisfied when I left the table....not uncomfortable. Everyone that had gotten a burger was moaning and groaning about how much they had eaten, how they needed to stop eating but just couldn't and how uncomfortable they were with all that food in them. My satisfaction lasted about 15 minutes after we got back from lunch when I was scrounging for change to get a candy bar out of the machine. Then about 2 hours later, shared a candy bar with another friend. And after that, finished the rest of the salad that I had packed up from the restaurant.
Next week I begin food journaling and I will force myself to write it all down. Since I am so lazy, maybe it'll make me eat less knowing I have to document it all. I doubt it. I want this to be a new change for me so I will work hard to make it become a habit. I'm only 4 days away from no sodas being a habit. They say it takes 21 days of doing something for it to become habit.
So to make up for my late night binge, I am waiting a full 12 hours to eat something again. Giving my body time to rest from the process of digesting. And hopefully, I won't go overboard on the cookies again!
Until later....
Annie
Interesting word. It can mean really obnoxious person that makes your skin crawl when you see them. It can mean to move slowly and furtively to avoid detection. That second definition can also be used in slang to mean sneaking around on your loved one (yes, that's a TLC reference). Today though it means, all those urges and cravings and bad habits sneaking back into my routine and derailing me from success, like kudzu up a phone pole.
Last night, I got home from work to find two day laborers in my bathroom redoing the shower. A bit weird to have two people I didn't know hanging around, but at least I have a newly tiled (albeit tiled incorrectly) shower to show for it. I thought that I wouldn't get pressured into eating a big meal I didn't need or want simply because the kids needed to have dinner. I just had a banana (my fruit for the day) and watched some TV. Eventually though, my cravings got the best of me and I made the 3 (count 'em 3!) boxes of the Pillsbury ready to cook holiday cookies. Then I doled them out stingily to the children and guarded them by putting them next to me on the couch. It was well after 8 pm when I started making them. I finished eating around 10:30 when I put the rest of the cookies in a bag in the kitchen for the next day. Sadly, I brought the bag with me to work....although I have not eaten anything yet.
I am thinking that the 8pm cut off might be the hardest step so far. I have been able to resist the urge to drink sodas, and thus far I am two for two on my goal for this week, but being awake for hours after that 8 pm cutoff knowing that I won't be able to eat anything is doing two things to me: making me eat more before the cutoff time and making me think about food ALL the time!
Last night, as I was laying in bed regretting my food choices for the day, I thought I am not alone. At lunch yesterday, we went to Ted's and while everyone else got a burger, I got a salad. Although the salad did have steak strips on it, bacon and bleu cheese, it had about 2 1/2 cups of lettuce (spinach greens - my favorite), cucumbers, carrots and radishes. I didn't eat the whole thing and I felt full and satisfied when I left the table....not uncomfortable. Everyone that had gotten a burger was moaning and groaning about how much they had eaten, how they needed to stop eating but just couldn't and how uncomfortable they were with all that food in them. My satisfaction lasted about 15 minutes after we got back from lunch when I was scrounging for change to get a candy bar out of the machine. Then about 2 hours later, shared a candy bar with another friend. And after that, finished the rest of the salad that I had packed up from the restaurant.
Next week I begin food journaling and I will force myself to write it all down. Since I am so lazy, maybe it'll make me eat less knowing I have to document it all. I doubt it. I want this to be a new change for me so I will work hard to make it become a habit. I'm only 4 days away from no sodas being a habit. They say it takes 21 days of doing something for it to become habit.
So to make up for my late night binge, I am waiting a full 12 hours to eat something again. Giving my body time to rest from the process of digesting. And hopefully, I won't go overboard on the cookies again!
Until later....
Annie
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
So here's the skinny...
I didn't put this weight on and get unhealthy in one day. Why am I so intent on trying to undo all this self destruction in one day? Patience is not my forte to say the least. I had a quick conversation this morning with someone about stress and weight gain. They had been sick recently and couldn't believe they gained weight when they were sick...who does that? I feel the same way, I have limited the hours I eat in (from 8am to 8pm), given up sodas and for the most part am drinking water all day. I've gained 5 pounds since starting this. I understand that I need to be on a restricted diet, exercise more some each day and so on and so on, but I should see a blip of a descent so I can be encouraged to keep going.
I don't want to be skinny like a rail. I know it won't be healthy on my frame and at my age. I want to be healthy. Being so uncomfortable that I can't wear my high heels or even sit without being aware of how out of shape I am is a sign that I am not healthy. Blood levels and whatever may signify something else, although I have naturally high cholesterol, but not having any energy to do anything, being in a foul mood what seems like all the time, and being consumed with thoughts of food or where I am getting my next meal, those should be signs of health as well.
We are having a department lunch today and I have already planned to get something that incorporates my one fruit and one veggie for the day. I swear I do better when I don't even think about food. When I forget to eat because I am so enthralled with something I can't be bothered. What happened to those days? They are gone like my size 6 jeans. Long gone I should say.
I read somewhere that knowing you've lost weight in the past is proof that you have the discipline and ability to do it again, but so far it's only made me feel like more of a failure now. The 'what's wrong with me?' thoughts of why can't I do this now if I could do it then. But then you have to step back and think about what is different between now and then. Too much to go into, but suffice to say I had a stronger support system and a whole lot less stress.
So everyday, I try to remember that I need to be patient. I need to take this one day at a time. That I cannot undo what I did yesterday, that I can only control what I am about to do next. I have heard people say that in the past, and thankfully it's finally sinking in. As I sit here digesting my McDonald's strawberry and banana smoothie (doesn't count as I didn't actually see fruits get put into the blender) and bemoaning my excess, I think, well the next decision will be a good one. Even if it's one I don't like.
Sigh....until later
Annie
I don't want to be skinny like a rail. I know it won't be healthy on my frame and at my age. I want to be healthy. Being so uncomfortable that I can't wear my high heels or even sit without being aware of how out of shape I am is a sign that I am not healthy. Blood levels and whatever may signify something else, although I have naturally high cholesterol, but not having any energy to do anything, being in a foul mood what seems like all the time, and being consumed with thoughts of food or where I am getting my next meal, those should be signs of health as well.
We are having a department lunch today and I have already planned to get something that incorporates my one fruit and one veggie for the day. I swear I do better when I don't even think about food. When I forget to eat because I am so enthralled with something I can't be bothered. What happened to those days? They are gone like my size 6 jeans. Long gone I should say.
I read somewhere that knowing you've lost weight in the past is proof that you have the discipline and ability to do it again, but so far it's only made me feel like more of a failure now. The 'what's wrong with me?' thoughts of why can't I do this now if I could do it then. But then you have to step back and think about what is different between now and then. Too much to go into, but suffice to say I had a stronger support system and a whole lot less stress.
So everyday, I try to remember that I need to be patient. I need to take this one day at a time. That I cannot undo what I did yesterday, that I can only control what I am about to do next. I have heard people say that in the past, and thankfully it's finally sinking in. As I sit here digesting my McDonald's strawberry and banana smoothie (doesn't count as I didn't actually see fruits get put into the blender) and bemoaning my excess, I think, well the next decision will be a good one. Even if it's one I don't like.
Sigh....until later
Annie
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