Day 17 - The Creep

Creep.

Interesting word.  It can mean really obnoxious person that makes your skin crawl when you see them.  It can mean to move slowly and furtively to avoid detection.  That second definition can also be used in slang to mean sneaking around on your loved one (yes, that's a TLC reference).  Today though it means, all those urges and cravings and bad habits sneaking back into my routine and derailing me from success, like kudzu up a phone pole.

Last night, I got home from work to find two day laborers in my bathroom redoing the shower.  A bit weird to have two people I didn't know hanging around, but at least I have a newly tiled (albeit tiled incorrectly) shower to show for it.  I thought that I wouldn't get pressured into eating a big meal I didn't need or want simply because the kids needed to have dinner.  I just had a banana (my fruit for the day) and watched some TV.  Eventually though, my cravings got the best of me and I made the 3 (count 'em 3!) boxes of the Pillsbury ready to cook holiday cookies.  Then I doled them out stingily to the children and guarded them by putting them next to me on the couch.  It was well after 8 pm when I started making them.  I finished eating around 10:30 when I put the rest of the cookies in a bag in the kitchen for the next day.  Sadly, I brought the bag with me to work....although I have not eaten anything yet.

I am thinking that the 8pm cut off might be the hardest step so far.  I have been able to resist the urge to drink sodas, and thus far I am two for two on my goal for this week, but being awake for hours after that 8 pm cutoff knowing that I won't be able to eat anything is doing two things to me:  making me eat more before the cutoff time and making me think about food ALL the time!

Last night, as I was laying in bed regretting my food choices for the day, I thought I am not alone.  At lunch yesterday, we went to Ted's and while everyone else got a burger, I got a salad.  Although the salad did have steak strips on it, bacon and bleu cheese, it had about 2 1/2 cups of lettuce (spinach greens - my favorite), cucumbers, carrots and radishes.  I didn't eat the whole thing and I felt full and satisfied when I left the table....not uncomfortable.  Everyone that had gotten a burger was moaning and groaning about how much they had eaten, how they needed to stop eating but just couldn't and how uncomfortable they were with all that food in them.  My satisfaction lasted about 15 minutes after we got back from lunch when I was scrounging for change to get a candy bar out of the machine.   Then about 2 hours later, shared a candy bar with another friend.  And after that, finished the rest of the salad that I had packed up from the restaurant.

Next week I begin food journaling and I will force myself to write it all down.  Since I am so lazy, maybe it'll make me eat less knowing I have to document it all.  I doubt it.  I want this to be a new change for me so I will work hard to make it become a habit.  I'm only 4 days away from no sodas being a habit.  They say it takes 21 days of doing something for it to become habit.

So to make up for my late night binge, I am waiting a full 12 hours to eat something again.  Giving my body time to rest from the process of digesting.  And hopefully, I won't go overboard on the cookies again!

Until later....

Annie