Week 2 - Fit by 40

Okay so I suck at remembering to update daily.  That's the bad news.

The good news is that I stuck to my guns and went a whole week without sodas.  YAY ME!  Okay, celebration is over.  On to week 2....

Week 2 Goal:  Nothing but water after 8 pm


Sounds so simple, but when you get home at 6:15, settle in, get homework and housework done, take care of animals, put on the elastic waist pajama pants and land on the couch, it's well after 8 pm.  And that's when I want to reward myself for another hard day survived with something sweet.  And tonight is Joe's cub scout holiday dinner which doesn't start until 7 so hopefully I'll be done and out of there by 8.

I have learned in the last week to try to be more patient as well.  It was really hard towards the end of the week to resist the carbonated fizziness of a soda, but I persevered and made it out the other side.  By Friday I was thinking of what my next week's goal was and when I would start it, but since I started Week 1 on a Monday, I figured all the weeks should start on a Monday.  Learning not to rush things is another helpful tool to get through life....probably save me $ on speeding tickets too.

So instead of trying to do everything at once, I am taking baby steps.  One thing mastered at a time before I move on and in the process I learn how to take things as they come, not rush or regret.  Wow, that sounds very zen and we all know that I am anything but, but maybe it's time to make a change.

Happy Monday!

Annie

Day 4 - The Rebound

First, let me say I'm sorry for missing yesterday.  I kept thinking "I need to blog" but the time never appeared magically when I had the opportunity and mental capacity to do it.  I will tell you that the headache was a B**CH and not being able to take anything for fear of caffeine being hidden in it, I suffered through.  Being mostly asleep all day helped with that.  But around 5 pm something happened. I had energy.  Probably at the thought of pizza and bingo, but I'll take it.  AND I survived a restaurant setting with only water.  Go me!

One thing I was hoping would happen would be miraculous weight loss on the first week out.  Realizing that I haven't started my exercise program, nor have I really altered my food consumption, replacing one non-caloric drink for another (even if it is the BEST non-caloric beverage) really wouldn't affect my weight all that much.  I weighed 170 lbs on Monday morning when I was 12 hours into non-soda-dom, then Tuesday was pissed at 170.8.  WHAT????  I'm going with water weight.  I'm sure my organs were like those little dinosaur pellets...add water and they grow to 15 times their original size.  I'm flush again and can see the difference in my face and skin.  Wednesday morning, the scale started moving in the right direction...down.  It was 170.6 but I'll take it and this morning it was 170.2, so almost back to the starting point.  And since I don't plan to go back to soda drinking, I don't anticipate it going up again.  So Good-Bye 170's, I'd say it's been nice knowing you, but...well...it hasn't been.

I've been seriously considering what I should make my week 2 goal.  I have had a couple of conversations about my Fit by 40 plan and how I have 53 weeks to get there.  I have thought that it doesn't just mean physically fit.  There is financially fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit and spiritually fit as well.  Basically taking all those things you don't like about yourself and addressing them, one week at a time.  Mostly because I think I couldn't find 53 goals having to do with exercise or food.  All that being said, for the first month or so, most of the goals will be food or exercise related because I want to work on my focus as well....complete one thing before starting on another kind of thing.

I will tell you that the benefits of drinking water are definitely making themselves apparent.  I am not waking up with limbs tingling from poor circulation. I am going to bed at a decent hour at night, getting enough rest to take on the next day rather than starting in a deficit.  My skin is clearing up and no new breakouts and it feels softer all over.  I noticed that this morning.  I think I am losing inches in my legs as my pants feel different, looser is my guess, although I don't remember them being 'tight' in my thighs, just in my waist.  Let's just say I am noticing extra space where there wasn't before and call it good.

I also have noticed that I am not craving as much sugary foods now that I have given up the soda.  So like a smoker with coffee, if I give up one of the pair, I am not inclined to have the other.  I've always been a stress eater and that probably won't change, but the thought of the extra sugary stuff I'd been eating before just don't appeal anymore.  Leaves me in a quandary though when I don't have healthy snacks at the office.  I have been chewing a LOT of spearmint gum lately.  I am hoping that the mental acuity benefit kicks in soon...before I forget my name.

So options for week 2's goal are 1) Not consuming after 8 pm or 2) eating at least one fruit or veggie (a real one, not vitamins or the kind covered in cheese or hidden in a sports drink) per day.  For normal people (people who aren't me basically) these sound like something you'd just do without making them a goal, but some of us who have lost our way, we have to go back to basics.  I am leaning towards the night time cut off and may save the fruit/veggie for the week after. Baby steps, right?

Well, I should probably get going on the work that is piling up as I sit here and type.  Nothing like a little pressure to help motivate, right?

Happy Thursday!

Annie 

Day 2 - They don't mention the sleepines.........

So it's day 2 for Fit by 40, day 2 of no sodas.  Reading up on the side effects of caffeine withdrawal.  Hopefully I am on the short end of 2-9 days of sleepiness, sleeplessness (make up your mind already!), headaches, nausea, constipation, flu like symptoms and depression.  Most sites say if the doctor doesn't make you give it up why do it!  But much like any other addict, I am looking forward to a time when I am not driven by when I will get my next fix.

Someone today suggested that once I am free of the addictions (sugar, soda, breads) I can reintroduce them.  I had to explain that the addiction never goes away, as soon as I take one sip, one bite, one taste, I'll be finding excuses to get more.  Instead, I will think of ways to spend the savings.  3 - 12 packs at grocery store  $12 per week = $624 in savings from just what I was keeping in the house.  Can you imagine what it'll be for not having sodas with meals or picking up a drink at the gas station or grocery store.  I remember when they were a dollar cheaper than they are now and yet I still buy.  So depressing.

I am glad to be making a positive change in my life.  I feel like if I can get through week 1's goal, the rest will be easier.  Just maintaining this for a week is a huge accomplishment.  Of course it'll help that I will spend most of it asleep from lack of caffeine. (yawn).  I won't get discouraged that I weighed more this morning than I did yesterday morning.  I know it'll take a few days for my body to get caught up with the changes I'm making.  The hardest part is being patient and not trying to do too many new or different things at once.  It's funny how many times you can read something or hear the same advice before you take it to heart.  Biting off more than I can chew is familiar territory (and probably why I am 32 lbs over my goal weight), and one that finds me giving up before I really had a chance to start.

Tomorrow is like that 2nd day after you work out, where you know the pain is gonna hit ya, but there is nothing you can do but brace for it.  So tonight, I am getting a good night's sleep, drink my water and take my melatonin and hopefully wake up refreshed tomorrow morning.  And I will be patient with myself and just focus on getting the water in.

G'nite,

Annie

Fit by 40 - In the Beginning

I will be 39 years old next week and I feel terrible. I am uncomfortable, have aches and pains, suffer from adult acne blemishes as well as wrinkles, have a terrible attitude and suffer from depression. Who would want to continue on knowing you have at least 30 -40 more years of this on average and in my family the women live until their 90's or later so that's another 60 years of this. So I have decided to get my act together and get fit. No more excuses, no more pretending I'm still in my 20's with a fantastic metabolism and no health risks looming overhead.

I know I am not the only person that wants to do this or has done it. I've googled "Fit at 40" and "Fit by 40" and have found several medical sites for staying active for people over 40, websites advertising exercise programs for getting fit over 40 and a couple of blogs from people like me that want to attain that goal. So it's not an original idea, that much I know for sure.

I remember my brother doing a bunch of health related goals as he approached 40 a couple of years ago as well as the story of a former co-worker who reached 40 and completely turned her life around. Prior to that she had been obese, introverted and had resigned herself to a solitary life, but after reaching 40 she changed her diet, her lifestyle and now is looking fantastic and feeling fantastic and is excited to share her life with others rather than hiding at home.

What I haven't found is a plan to get me there. I suppose in the next 53 weeks I will have the opportunity to develop my own plan to get me here. One new goal per week so 53 little goals to get me to my major goal of being in the best shape I can be in by the time I turn 40 years old. Today I'll share this week's goal:

Week 1: Goal - give up diet sodas

Sounds so easy. However, when I can go through 36 cans in a week at home and probably another couple dozen at the office during the week, this one is gonna be a doozy to overcome and maintain. BUT! (there's always a 'but') After reading that drinking diet sodas ups my chances for getting Type II diabetes when I have a family history of diabetes on both sides of my family, I am a little more motivated. Whenever I want to taste that fizzy deliciousness, I drink some water and keep that vision of my fit and toned body in my mind. And yes, I am only on day one of giving up sodas. It'll be interesting to see when I get over the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. I did cheat a little earlier today when I took some pain meds that contain caffeine in them. We'll see how that goes. I know I can do this, as I have done it before, even if 'before' was 12 years ago and I gave it up for Lent.

Another reason to give up diet sodas - sodium. For all their non-caloric intake, they are chock full of sodium which causes your body to retain water and is dehydrating to say the least. I am looking forward to feeling and seeing the benefits of drinking water or non-carbonated beverages from now on.

And to think I was just mocking people that have water with lemon at lunch when I go to group lunches at work. I guess I'll be one of the mocked now....but healthier so that makes it all okay.

If you are like me and need lists to back up what you know is the right thing to do, here is a great list of the benefits of drinking water:

11 Benefits of Drinking Water

I am keen on #1 - weight loss, but clearing up my skin and getting rid of aches and pains are good motivators as well. I remember what someone told me once - the body needs water, when it doesn't get enough, it holds on to every drop it does get and saves it for a rainy day. When you give your body the water it needs, it lets go of what it has saved up and you will see the benefits immediately.

Another goal this week, and along the way, is to write daily of the experience and to provide motivation, not only to me but to anyone out there who needs help with getting over the hump of changing their lives for the better. Without being too cheesy, everyone can use some help and if I can provide a little to someone in need, it makes my life the richer. Yeah, that was pretty cheesy.

Well off to drink more water and pray I don't fall asleep in the middle of work as my body adjusts to it's new found energy source....my metabolism.

Annie

It's Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody...

I'm sure I'm not the first person that thinks life should have a soundtrack. There are millions of songs out there that we humans have used to express the whole gamut of emotions. Right now, it is Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody...well not human anyway. There's a reason I have a dog and two cats. So I won't feel lonely. I don't think it's working though since I mostly just feel crazy for talking to them when I should be talking to another person.

I crave my weekends without kids like a drug addict. Time to reset, be by myself, not have the energy sucked out of me and to do what I want. It seems though that I spend the time either sleeping, hiding in the house or cleaning up and hoping it stays that way for longer than half an hour. And when it's dark and quiet, I can feel the loneliness creeping in. Of course that same loneliness spurs me to do something new or creative in my life, but I'd rather be boring and predictable with someone to snuggle up with at night.

I can say right now that the biggest thing keeping me from meeting someone is fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of falling for someone to have them disappoint me like so many others have. Last week in my study induced haze, I had a nightmare about a dread disease that was spreading through the population and would eventually kill off most of the adult population. People were supposed to drop dead without warning from this pandemic and there was no known cure. The response to this was drastic. People didn't want to endanger others by dropping dead in the middle of driving or operating heavy machinery or the like so they started determining how they would die. I watched as friends and family members got their affairs in order and then committed suicide in reaction to this upcoming plague. I could feel the sense of loss and emptiness that came over me as I heard about each one of them. I would not be able to talk to them again, no one would remember those shared memories with me again and that hope of one day getting together to do lunch or go over old times was killed as soon as they took their last breath.

I was worried about my kids as well. They said it wasn't affecting children, but I didn't want them at risk either. So I began to write letters to them, explaining what I was doing and what I hoped for each of them...and yes, telling them who got what. I had started each letter and was circling around on what to say exactly when it hit me. The epidemic was fear. Fear made those people die, not some airborne pathogen. And then I was so filled with sadness that my friends were gone for no reason.

Yes, I realize there is a wealth of symbolism and psychiatric significance to this dream. I am in a constant state of worry about something. Money, love, kids, food, work, traffic, cleaning, vacation, love, kids and money...that is what is going through my head at any given moment of the day. I know this dream stemmed from my fear of failing this test even though I had put more study time into this section of the CPA than any other I'd taken so far. Probably because I'd spent that much time studying, my fear was increased because it meant that even with studying if I failed, that would mean I just don't have IT! If I half assed the studying and passed then I am a genius, if I failed, it was because I didn't spend enough time studying. Now if I fail it, it's because I just don't have what it takes to get this thing done.

I also know that I have a tendency to look at the negative in my mind. I think I read somewhere that if I keep the negative in view, it lessens the disappointment when that eventually happens. I have got to stop thinking this way. In one of the thirty or so books I am currently reading or in some stage of finishing, I read that if you think about negative or let fear win, that is exactly what you will always get. Yes, I know that I can get t-shirts, bumper stickers and coffee mugs that tell me that too if I need to see it daily, but I think I'm finally where I need to be to make that switch from Negative Nancy to Positive Paula!

So tonight, I need to change the soundtrack to be more positive. Thank you Gloria Gaynor for my theme song "I will Survive"...because I will.

G'nite,

Annie

Who are you to decide for me?

I am currently watching my DVR from last night. How they could schedule a presidential semi debate on the same night as Gold Medal attempt #8 for Michael Phelps, I don't know, but I digress. I am actually listening to McCain's answers before I dismiss them. That's hard for me, but as I mature, I've learned to not fly right off the handle when I hear something I don't like. I waited at least three minutes after hearing McCain's Pro Life spiel before getting on and blogging about it. And now he's going on about what he thinks 'rich' is. Man, did I ask for my blood pressure to be raised today?

So here we go - Abortion or Pro-Choice - Don't take away my right to determine my future. You are talking about doing away with Roe v Wade which would allow me to safely and legally terminate an unwanted pregnancy because you think life begins at conception. That's like saying I believe that the moon is made of cheese and so no one can have pizza anymore. It's so easy for men to make these decisions based on their moral superiority while for women it's a heart wrenching decision to go down one path or the other. Don't tell me that it's equally difficult for a man to make this decision since men walk away from unwanted pregnancies left and right. Yes, some of them stay by the mothers of their children, but an unwanted pregnancy does not a happily ever after make. Where is the survey on that? Yes, they love their children, but is it a perfect love or is there some regret there? The what could have been. For a woman, she either has a child whom she will sacrifice for or a memory of a difficult decision and what if that will live with her for the rest of her life.

I firmly believe that there should be more education, more programs for teens that will keep them from getting into situations that end up in unwanted or even underage pregnancies. Why do teenage girls or even young adult women get pregnant when they don't want to? Because they don't have enough respect or responsibility for themselves to either say no to sex or take the right precautions to ensure that they don't end up pregnant when they don't want to be. I remember getting in an argument on the night of my cousin's wedding with my two uncles and my ex-husband about welfare. They were all against it and said they were just having babies to get a bigger check. I was so fucking pissed off that I gave them my tirade. Of course this was years ago, but the point is still relevant.

Double standard #1 - don't send two messages by covering a man's 'help me get it up' pill by health insurance as a NECESSARY drug, but not cover oral contraception in full because it's an optional choice. That's like saying it's ok for the man to get help when nature so clearly says it's time for him to hang up his spurs, but that if a girl doesn't want to get pregnant then keep your fucking knees together.

Double standard #2 - remove the stigma of abortion when the very people that are making those rules have benefited in some fashion from someone they know having an abortion. If anyone thinks that the movers and shakers haven't partaken of that little bit of legality to ensure their future while still calling it immoral and unethical they are more naive than I am. Women shouldn't have to run a gauntlet or hide their faces after making one of the toughest choices of their lives. Mothers and daughters are typically the ones that are there taking care of business while men are entrenched in their pulpits saying how these women are of loose morals, lazy and taking advantage of the system.

Double standard #3 - Don't make television shows, ads and corporate messages scream SEX, SEX, SEX and then not teach children to responsibly make those decisions. I mean if we have to put warning labels on alcohol and cigarettes, then we should probably put the caveat on what is 'acceptable' during the family hour to say that while it's on TV, the movies, the radio...it doesn't mean that everything works out that way. If everyone is so concerned about sex and who's having it, then don't make it verboten to children until we thrust them out into the world on their own!

I realize that parental input is an important part of this, so if we want to break the cycle, someone needs to step forward and make a difference. Sometimes I think that the people that welfare, abortion, poverty, and all the dark parts of life upset the most really wish they could still wall off communities like a leper colony and let them fend for themselves until they die off.

I am venting all of this here since I know no one will read it, know it's me or care that yet another blogger is expressing themselves about the political situation in this country. I do hope that I take the energy that this topic has generated in me and use it to make a difference in the world versus just rolling over and being bitter and futile. If I make enough noise, I will be able to make my own decisions and not have them made for me without input. That's what this is all about, right?

Well, it's time for the Olympics for tonight....go team USA!

Until later....

Annie M.

I kissed a girl....

I'm sitting here getting ready to go to church where I've been asked to be an elder for the next three years and I'm listening to Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" over and over again. This just shows you the complexity of humanity. Or it shows you that I can compartmentalize with the best of 'em!

So my quandary now is what to do about the person of interest in my life right now. His situation is not clear and free although he's not married or in love. Even saying that means I'm trying to justify my behavior when I know darned well that I need to just walk away. But damn! He's sexy, funny, smart, ambitious, and did I mention sexy? And he wants to spend time with me and tells me these things that make me lose my breath. Could be that he's even freakier than I am. Any one that jumps out of a plane willingly or gets their nipple pierced on a dare likes risk a bit more than me.

So you can see what the dilemma is....live the straight and somewhat narrow now that I am to be a church leader or give into this temptation and spend more time with him. I want to do both, but as in the past I am afraid that if I don't take the opportunity to be with him, it won't come around again and I will regret it. Although more than likely I'll end up feeling much like I did after being with Mike. Alone in a relationship.

Ok, so the strong, rational part of me has decided to stay away. Ignore him and if he gets in touch with me, just explain that with this new development in my life, I can't be in his life until he gets his straightened out. If he doesn't make a move then I know what the answer to "what's he in this for?", won't I?

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can't we be like animals and just mate and move on? I suppose being human means we are relational creatures. "No man is an island..." and whatnot. But it's just cruel to have to go through this crap.