So here's the skinny...

I didn't put this weight on and get unhealthy in one day.  Why am I so intent on trying to undo all this self destruction in one day?  Patience is not my forte to say the least.  I had a quick conversation this morning with someone about stress and weight gain.  They had been sick recently and couldn't believe they gained weight when they were sick...who does that?  I feel the same way, I have limited the hours I eat in (from 8am to 8pm), given up sodas and for the most part am drinking water all day.  I've gained 5 pounds since starting this.  I understand that I need to be on a restricted diet, exercise more some each day and so on and so on, but I should see a blip of a descent so I can be encouraged to keep going.

I don't want to be skinny like a rail.  I know it won't be healthy on my frame and at my age.  I want to be healthy.  Being so uncomfortable that I can't wear my high heels or even sit without being aware of how out of shape I am is a sign that I am not healthy.  Blood levels and whatever may signify something else, although I have naturally high cholesterol, but not having any energy to do anything, being in a foul mood what seems like all the time, and being consumed with thoughts of food or where I am getting my next meal, those should be signs of health as well.

We are having a department lunch today and I have already planned to get something that incorporates my one fruit and one veggie for the day.  I swear I do better when I don't even think about food.  When I forget to eat because I am so enthralled with something I can't be bothered.  What happened to those days?  They are gone like my size 6 jeans.  Long gone I should say.

I read somewhere that knowing you've lost weight in the past is proof that you have the discipline and ability to do it again, but so far it's only made me feel like more of a failure now.  The 'what's wrong with me?' thoughts of why can't I do this now if I could do it then.  But then you have to step back and think about what is different between now and then.  Too much to go into, but suffice to say I had a stronger support system and a whole lot less stress.

So everyday, I try to remember that I need to be patient.  I need to take this one day at a time.  That I cannot undo what I did yesterday, that I can only control what I am about to do next.  I have heard people say that in the past, and thankfully it's finally sinking in.  As I sit here digesting my McDonald's strawberry and banana smoothie (doesn't count as I didn't actually see fruits get put into the blender) and bemoaning my excess, I think, well the next decision will be a good one.  Even if it's one I don't like.

Sigh....until later

Annie

Week 3: The crunch begins....

So it's week 3.  Day 15.  The burn to resort to soda drinking is felt daily now.  Probably out of boredom with water, although I do like a nice ice cold glass of agua these days, but when I hear that crack of soda can being opened at the office...I start looking for change for the machine.  Cutting off consumption at 8 pm?  Struggling.  Last night, because we were out of the house so long and then came home to do decorating and such, I broke down and ate after 8....and then proceeded to eat until almost 11 pm.  (Shaking my head).  But like they say, I can't let this false step knock me off the pathway to healthiness.

And so, here I am, trying to muster up the will to create a new goal, a new good habit.  Not having lost ANY weight and in fact, gaining weight in the last two week, is so demoralizing.  I have lost weight in the past (back when Ephedra was legal) and it felt like it fell off me and I was motivated to exercise and such.  But then that was 12 years ago, I had a spouse to help with housework, the kids and finances.  Considering I am a stress eater and suddenly it feels like all I have is stress, no wonder I have packed on the pounds.

I want to do something different than I have done before, so I am not going to quit, I am not going to make excuses for sabotaging myself.  I am going to stick this through.  Slow and steady wins the race right?  Just call me Turtle then, because I want to win.  So here goes....

Week 3 Goal:  Eat at least one fruit and one veggie per day

Sounds simple, considering that whole food pyramid recommends more, but it's not a normal habit.  Fruit doesn't come out of a vending machine.  Veggies can't be bought at the convenience store.  So I have to go out of my way to include these in my diet.  Hopefully, one will lead to another will lead to another and then suddenly I'm at my 5 a day.

So far today, corn (about a cup of cooked kernels) and a banana.  I know as far as glucose levels, these are bad choices, but again baby steps.  I will educate myself as I go about this and each time I make a decision that helps me like not getting the soda and getting the water instead, I am closer to getting fit by 40.  I may not look it right now, but I'm sure I am lowering all those important levels and beginning to raise some others that need raising.

Next week is definitely the food journaling.  I'm pretty sure I'm packing in about 3,000 calories a day and we all know that won't get me anywhere except fatter and more unhealthy, but I'll worry about that next week.

Have a great night....Happy Week 3!

Annie

Day 11: I shouldn't have opened my big mouth!

Remember how I said I was expecting the weight to just fall off me now that I wasn't drinking soda anymore and instead was drinking water solely?  Yeah, ha-ha-ha....didn't happen.  Nope instead I've ballooned up to 174 lbs.  I think I outweigh most of the Tour de France riders at this point.  My only guess is that because I had a flare up with my back over the weekend, the Advil and Aleve I was taking like breath mints caused more bloating than anything.  After seeing the chiropractor this week, the pain is gone, so I have stopped the meds and have seen a slight decrease (173.8 - big whoop) in my weight.

People tell you to not look at the scale when you are trying to lose weight, but I find that without that daily motivation, either because I have gained weight and need to assess my eating and exercise or because I lost weight and want to continue what I've been doing to get there, without that...I just get out of control.  They tell you instead to judge your progress by how your clothes fit.  Well, they don't...and not in a good way.

The goal for this week has been no eating after 8pm.  On Tuesday I stopped eating at 8:02, but I am proud that I left the food on the plate and just said "Annie, you are going to do this.  Put the fork down." and followed through with that.

In addition, to the goal for the week, I began doing the Jillian Michaels "Ripped in 30" workout DVD.  So far I have done it 3 of the last 4 days and haven't made it through the Week 1 workout completely yet.  I am getting further along each time.  Last night I set the timer for 25 minutes and except for a couple of breaks to catch my breath or get water, I made it through.  Joe is very encouraging.  He can see when I feel like giving up and says "You can do this, Mommy".  I like the video because she is honest with you.  There's one section where she says she knows we can do the exercise because she has seen 400-500 pound people do it and they lived to tell about it.  She uses words like 'commit' and 'dedicate', tells us to give it all we've got, and I find that those are inspirational words. I really focus on the muscle movements and form.  After I finished last night, I didn't feel like I was going to die right there.  Well I did, but about 15 minutes later, after I caught my breath, I could feel energy was coming back in.  That's a good thing.

Someone made the comment to me yesterday about learning patience.  If they only knew how much of a struggle it is to keep myself from setting up impossible goals all at once now in my eagerness to see lasting results.  I am doing something new...relieving the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...and hopefully I will see different results this time.  Baby steps, right?

I am trying to decide what next week's goal should be.  I am wavering between food journal and one fruit/veggie per day.  Since the latter was an option for week 2, you can tell I am procrastinating on that one.  At the same time, food journaling even with all the apps out there like LoseIt is a pain in the ass.  Not because it makes you realize how much crap you are shoveling in, but because of the constant checking in and such.  Either one of these options is going to be a struggle for me, but I will know for sure on Sunday before Week 3 starts.

Well, off to eat my oatmeal and hope it has negative calories....

ttyl,

Annie

Week 2 - Fit by 40

Okay so I suck at remembering to update daily.  That's the bad news.

The good news is that I stuck to my guns and went a whole week without sodas.  YAY ME!  Okay, celebration is over.  On to week 2....

Week 2 Goal:  Nothing but water after 8 pm


Sounds so simple, but when you get home at 6:15, settle in, get homework and housework done, take care of animals, put on the elastic waist pajama pants and land on the couch, it's well after 8 pm.  And that's when I want to reward myself for another hard day survived with something sweet.  And tonight is Joe's cub scout holiday dinner which doesn't start until 7 so hopefully I'll be done and out of there by 8.

I have learned in the last week to try to be more patient as well.  It was really hard towards the end of the week to resist the carbonated fizziness of a soda, but I persevered and made it out the other side.  By Friday I was thinking of what my next week's goal was and when I would start it, but since I started Week 1 on a Monday, I figured all the weeks should start on a Monday.  Learning not to rush things is another helpful tool to get through life....probably save me $ on speeding tickets too.

So instead of trying to do everything at once, I am taking baby steps.  One thing mastered at a time before I move on and in the process I learn how to take things as they come, not rush or regret.  Wow, that sounds very zen and we all know that I am anything but, but maybe it's time to make a change.

Happy Monday!

Annie

Day 4 - The Rebound

First, let me say I'm sorry for missing yesterday.  I kept thinking "I need to blog" but the time never appeared magically when I had the opportunity and mental capacity to do it.  I will tell you that the headache was a B**CH and not being able to take anything for fear of caffeine being hidden in it, I suffered through.  Being mostly asleep all day helped with that.  But around 5 pm something happened. I had energy.  Probably at the thought of pizza and bingo, but I'll take it.  AND I survived a restaurant setting with only water.  Go me!

One thing I was hoping would happen would be miraculous weight loss on the first week out.  Realizing that I haven't started my exercise program, nor have I really altered my food consumption, replacing one non-caloric drink for another (even if it is the BEST non-caloric beverage) really wouldn't affect my weight all that much.  I weighed 170 lbs on Monday morning when I was 12 hours into non-soda-dom, then Tuesday was pissed at 170.8.  WHAT????  I'm going with water weight.  I'm sure my organs were like those little dinosaur pellets...add water and they grow to 15 times their original size.  I'm flush again and can see the difference in my face and skin.  Wednesday morning, the scale started moving in the right direction...down.  It was 170.6 but I'll take it and this morning it was 170.2, so almost back to the starting point.  And since I don't plan to go back to soda drinking, I don't anticipate it going up again.  So Good-Bye 170's, I'd say it's been nice knowing you, but...well...it hasn't been.

I've been seriously considering what I should make my week 2 goal.  I have had a couple of conversations about my Fit by 40 plan and how I have 53 weeks to get there.  I have thought that it doesn't just mean physically fit.  There is financially fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit and spiritually fit as well.  Basically taking all those things you don't like about yourself and addressing them, one week at a time.  Mostly because I think I couldn't find 53 goals having to do with exercise or food.  All that being said, for the first month or so, most of the goals will be food or exercise related because I want to work on my focus as well....complete one thing before starting on another kind of thing.

I will tell you that the benefits of drinking water are definitely making themselves apparent.  I am not waking up with limbs tingling from poor circulation. I am going to bed at a decent hour at night, getting enough rest to take on the next day rather than starting in a deficit.  My skin is clearing up and no new breakouts and it feels softer all over.  I noticed that this morning.  I think I am losing inches in my legs as my pants feel different, looser is my guess, although I don't remember them being 'tight' in my thighs, just in my waist.  Let's just say I am noticing extra space where there wasn't before and call it good.

I also have noticed that I am not craving as much sugary foods now that I have given up the soda.  So like a smoker with coffee, if I give up one of the pair, I am not inclined to have the other.  I've always been a stress eater and that probably won't change, but the thought of the extra sugary stuff I'd been eating before just don't appeal anymore.  Leaves me in a quandary though when I don't have healthy snacks at the office.  I have been chewing a LOT of spearmint gum lately.  I am hoping that the mental acuity benefit kicks in soon...before I forget my name.

So options for week 2's goal are 1) Not consuming after 8 pm or 2) eating at least one fruit or veggie (a real one, not vitamins or the kind covered in cheese or hidden in a sports drink) per day.  For normal people (people who aren't me basically) these sound like something you'd just do without making them a goal, but some of us who have lost our way, we have to go back to basics.  I am leaning towards the night time cut off and may save the fruit/veggie for the week after. Baby steps, right?

Well, I should probably get going on the work that is piling up as I sit here and type.  Nothing like a little pressure to help motivate, right?

Happy Thursday!

Annie 

Day 2 - They don't mention the sleepines.........

So it's day 2 for Fit by 40, day 2 of no sodas.  Reading up on the side effects of caffeine withdrawal.  Hopefully I am on the short end of 2-9 days of sleepiness, sleeplessness (make up your mind already!), headaches, nausea, constipation, flu like symptoms and depression.  Most sites say if the doctor doesn't make you give it up why do it!  But much like any other addict, I am looking forward to a time when I am not driven by when I will get my next fix.

Someone today suggested that once I am free of the addictions (sugar, soda, breads) I can reintroduce them.  I had to explain that the addiction never goes away, as soon as I take one sip, one bite, one taste, I'll be finding excuses to get more.  Instead, I will think of ways to spend the savings.  3 - 12 packs at grocery store  $12 per week = $624 in savings from just what I was keeping in the house.  Can you imagine what it'll be for not having sodas with meals or picking up a drink at the gas station or grocery store.  I remember when they were a dollar cheaper than they are now and yet I still buy.  So depressing.

I am glad to be making a positive change in my life.  I feel like if I can get through week 1's goal, the rest will be easier.  Just maintaining this for a week is a huge accomplishment.  Of course it'll help that I will spend most of it asleep from lack of caffeine. (yawn).  I won't get discouraged that I weighed more this morning than I did yesterday morning.  I know it'll take a few days for my body to get caught up with the changes I'm making.  The hardest part is being patient and not trying to do too many new or different things at once.  It's funny how many times you can read something or hear the same advice before you take it to heart.  Biting off more than I can chew is familiar territory (and probably why I am 32 lbs over my goal weight), and one that finds me giving up before I really had a chance to start.

Tomorrow is like that 2nd day after you work out, where you know the pain is gonna hit ya, but there is nothing you can do but brace for it.  So tonight, I am getting a good night's sleep, drink my water and take my melatonin and hopefully wake up refreshed tomorrow morning.  And I will be patient with myself and just focus on getting the water in.

G'nite,

Annie

Fit by 40 - In the Beginning

I will be 39 years old next week and I feel terrible. I am uncomfortable, have aches and pains, suffer from adult acne blemishes as well as wrinkles, have a terrible attitude and suffer from depression. Who would want to continue on knowing you have at least 30 -40 more years of this on average and in my family the women live until their 90's or later so that's another 60 years of this. So I have decided to get my act together and get fit. No more excuses, no more pretending I'm still in my 20's with a fantastic metabolism and no health risks looming overhead.

I know I am not the only person that wants to do this or has done it. I've googled "Fit at 40" and "Fit by 40" and have found several medical sites for staying active for people over 40, websites advertising exercise programs for getting fit over 40 and a couple of blogs from people like me that want to attain that goal. So it's not an original idea, that much I know for sure.

I remember my brother doing a bunch of health related goals as he approached 40 a couple of years ago as well as the story of a former co-worker who reached 40 and completely turned her life around. Prior to that she had been obese, introverted and had resigned herself to a solitary life, but after reaching 40 she changed her diet, her lifestyle and now is looking fantastic and feeling fantastic and is excited to share her life with others rather than hiding at home.

What I haven't found is a plan to get me there. I suppose in the next 53 weeks I will have the opportunity to develop my own plan to get me here. One new goal per week so 53 little goals to get me to my major goal of being in the best shape I can be in by the time I turn 40 years old. Today I'll share this week's goal:

Week 1: Goal - give up diet sodas

Sounds so easy. However, when I can go through 36 cans in a week at home and probably another couple dozen at the office during the week, this one is gonna be a doozy to overcome and maintain. BUT! (there's always a 'but') After reading that drinking diet sodas ups my chances for getting Type II diabetes when I have a family history of diabetes on both sides of my family, I am a little more motivated. Whenever I want to taste that fizzy deliciousness, I drink some water and keep that vision of my fit and toned body in my mind. And yes, I am only on day one of giving up sodas. It'll be interesting to see when I get over the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. I did cheat a little earlier today when I took some pain meds that contain caffeine in them. We'll see how that goes. I know I can do this, as I have done it before, even if 'before' was 12 years ago and I gave it up for Lent.

Another reason to give up diet sodas - sodium. For all their non-caloric intake, they are chock full of sodium which causes your body to retain water and is dehydrating to say the least. I am looking forward to feeling and seeing the benefits of drinking water or non-carbonated beverages from now on.

And to think I was just mocking people that have water with lemon at lunch when I go to group lunches at work. I guess I'll be one of the mocked now....but healthier so that makes it all okay.

If you are like me and need lists to back up what you know is the right thing to do, here is a great list of the benefits of drinking water:

11 Benefits of Drinking Water

I am keen on #1 - weight loss, but clearing up my skin and getting rid of aches and pains are good motivators as well. I remember what someone told me once - the body needs water, when it doesn't get enough, it holds on to every drop it does get and saves it for a rainy day. When you give your body the water it needs, it lets go of what it has saved up and you will see the benefits immediately.

Another goal this week, and along the way, is to write daily of the experience and to provide motivation, not only to me but to anyone out there who needs help with getting over the hump of changing their lives for the better. Without being too cheesy, everyone can use some help and if I can provide a little to someone in need, it makes my life the richer. Yeah, that was pretty cheesy.

Well off to drink more water and pray I don't fall asleep in the middle of work as my body adjusts to it's new found energy source....my metabolism.

Annie