New leaf

It's fall. Leaves are changing colors, temperatures are getting cooler and most people are getting ready for the holidays with lots of festivities and decorations. For me, fall is a time to reflect on the year that's passed and take stock of where I am in life. I think this is why most people have a tough time at the holidays because it's a reminder that another year has gone by and it makes them realize how much or how little they have done with the time.

My birthday is officially in the fall season although I prefer the old pagan calendar that has winter starting on Halloween and the midpoint in December rather than starting in December. That makes more sense somehow. Winter is the time for quiet and reflection and renewal. Dormant is a good word. Like seeds in the ground, I think that winter is the time we all tend to lie fallow and wait for the warmer temperatures to thaw out our spirits.

I realize that not everyone feels this way. For some, winter is the time they get most energized. I have made a commitment to myself starting this week that I would do things differently from now on. So maybe in doing that, turning over a new leaf, I will take a different look at each of the seasons and change my perception of them. Or maybe just what I do in them first then my perception will change accordingly.

One thing I am no longer doing is dwelling on the past. I will learn from it, but no longer live in it. The other day something happened that got me to thinking. If someone you know denies knowing you, does that mean that everything that's happened between you is erased? That's an awesome concept! Like the movie where you could pay to have certain memories erased in order to go through life without reliving the painful moments of your life. I have elected to do this on my own. What does this get me, you ask? I'll tell you. It allows me to stop going over everything that I've ever done and wonder should I have done it differently or at all. The self doubt, self-recrimination and second-guessing all ends. It's very liberating.

I decided to erase those memories on Thursday night. Friday was a great day. I bought myself roses, enjoyed conversations with coworkers at our Thanksgiving luncheon and laughed out loud at random parts of the day because I felt free. The crazy part was that I was doing the misery making to myself. Now that is truly insane!

This weekend, with my new philosophy, I have been more active and energetic. My family is surprised at my level of activity and involvement. Living in the now is fabulous, and I highly recommend it to all.

We just returned from a family bike ride...although I will be getting my bike shortly for my birthday. We had fun, got some exercise and fresh air and disconnected for a bit. Now that is the way to live. We are home now, the kids are watching tv and I am about to run to the store to get the fixings for chocolate chip cookies. It's a languid, no rush kind of day and that's what we are focusing on today!!!

I will let you know how the new leaf is turning as I go through the seasons.

Until later....

Annie M.