Who signs me up for this crap?????

Day one of Cross Fit on the Move.  Oh My God!  I thought I was gonna hurl and I wasn't even a third of the way thru the workout.  I finished though, made it home, put laundry away, showered, got the boy in bed and got some work done.  I won't make it to bed on time tonight, but I worked out like a mo-fo today.  Here is the workout in case anyone wants to follow along:

Warm up:

• Rowing (machine obviously since we didn't have a boat handy) 200m
• Squats - 2 minutes 
• 10 pushups (good form - keep that butt tucked in!)
• 400m run

Workout:

• 400 m run
• 15 pullups, pushups and squats
• 12 pullups, pushups and squats
• 9 pullups, pushups and squats
• 400m run

I completed in 14:04.  I'm guessing this was a benchmark workout and I will probably do this again soon to see my progress.  Hopefully, I'll make some.  #1 progress is to not feel nauseous after the run and the first set of pullups.  After that I went outside for a minute to cool off, catch my breath.  Next time I want to pace myself so I can make it through without stopping.  #2 progress is to do an actual pull up - using the bar - and not the modification of the ring row.  #3 progress is to not do girlie push ups - legs straight, butt tucked, pound them out.  My squats were my best format - had those down pat.  One lady nearby clicked every time she did one.  Thankfully that wasn't me.  Today.  However, tomorrow is probably another thing altogether.  

This morning I had weighed in at 170.8.  We'll see if I cross the 170 barrier in the morning.  Fingers crossed...well they would be if they didn't hurt like the rest of me.  

I also got the guide for the gluten free diet - not sure I have the strength to start that until the weekend.  Planning is #1 and with nothing but rice chex and skim milk for breakfast, I'm not gonna be able to start right away.  I struggle with maintaining interest past the first week so with everyone watching (so to speak) I have to definitely make more of an effort.  And no more wasting fresh veggies by buying them and letting them rot in the fridge while I eat cookies and microwaved pizzas.  How stupid is that right?  

I am struggling with the idea of deprivation.  I know I shouldn't be feeling that way because I will be full, but right now it feels like I am giving up the good stuff.  I need to change the mindset to giving up the bad stuff.  Like if I was giving up cigarettes or something like that.  I know I need to give up the sodas...today I read that the same ingredient used in flame retardant is used in Mountain Dew.  So in those commercials where the kids do stupid things...there's a reason for that.  I need to warn my cousin in Florida who drinks those like I drink Diet Pepsi's.  I'm sure she'd say the same thing back to me....aspartame causes brain damage and increases my chances of getting diabetes.  AWESOME!  No wonder I can't think anymore.

Well, the nausea has passed, but the exhaustion is setting in.  Happy Tuesday everyone!

FxF

Annie A.

Man that hurts!

Falling off the wagon should leave physical marks like, well like you fell off a wagon.  Why is it a wagon anyway?  Wouldn't a bus be faster, and you'd be less likely to fall off of it...just sayin'....but I digress.

So I avoided blogging when I started drinking soda again, kept avoiding it when I couldn't stop eating at 8 pm, and when the new year weekend came and went, I figured I'd get back into it when I settled into a new workout routine.  These things did not happen, neither the blogging, nor the workout routine.

Here is what I know.  I procrastinate.  I like to sit around reading or working on the computer or watching TV rather than hiking mountains, doing triathalons or whatever other outrageously physical activity there is out there.  I also know that I don't like my stationary lifestyle and I make forays to change it but nothing sticks.  Here's why:  Patience.

We all know I don't have any and so when I don't see some tremendous effect in the first week, I lose interest. I allow one bad habit to creep back in, then another, and then I am right back playing FB games for hours on end, stuffing a bag of cookies in my mouth while watching TV and NOT doing anything physical or productive.

That ends.  Actually it already ended.  These are the changes I've made:

1. I gave up FB games two weeks ago.  It's caused me to be on the computer a lot less too.  I am more productive at work since I am not sneaking off to my FB page to send gifts or work on goals or whatever.  
2. I have tried a couple of different meal plans, but one thing is for sure...no more gluten.  I bought Ezekiel bread the other day for the kids, but I am working hard at finding gluten free products (delicious chocolate cookies by Pamela's in case you're interested).
3. I finally called and made my appointment to use the Cross Fit on the Move (CFOTM) Groupon I bought a couple of months ago.  I had my first class tonight.  More on that later.
4. I am working hard at getting enough sleep and not taking stress from home to work and stress from work home at night.  I am enjoying spending time with my family.  Soon I may be ready to venture out into public...not yet though.

I have done these things this month.  I hope with the CFOTM classes, I will actually get my ass moving again.  I have a bet with a friend that the person that loses 10 lbs first gets a new purse from the other person.  Sadly neither of us is doing all that well although she is in a pant size smaller while I am bursting the seams on my size 14's.  She is 5 (or more) inches taller than me - how can she be in clothes smaller than me???  What is up with that?

One of the things we had to do tonight was write down 5 goals that being at CFOTM would help us accomplish.  This is a list of the 4 I wrote down and the one I secretly keep in my head as the REAL motivator for my fitness kick this go round:

1. I want to reach my goal weight of 138 lbs.  This would mean losing (as of this morning's weigh in) 35.2lbs. 
2. I want to be able to run a 1/2 marathon in under 2:15:00 - that would mean improving my record by 5-7 minutes, but would entail getting faster and in better shape to be able to endure a 1/2 marathon.  
3. I want to be in clothes 2-3 sizes smaller (this is an 8 or a 10). 
4. I want to be healthy and strong and fit.

and the 5th reason - I want to look so damned good, 'that' guy will regret not picking me.  You know the guy.  The one that when you think about him you start to salivate, the one that in your current state, he doesn't look twice at you, the one that you would love to have hanging on the line while you make him crazy for you.  Yeah, that guy.  We all have one, had one or want one.  So while I am not doing this to get him back, I am thankful to him for giving me the motivation to do this.  I want to be confident in my skin enough to know he wants me and you know what, I don't want him anymore.

Okay, well I have to get offline now so I can make my bedtime of 10:30.  It's a shame my brain doesn't know it's bedtime yet, but soon, soon I will get my rhythms back.  Nite nite all!

FxF (Fit by Forty)

Annie

Day 17 - The Creep

Creep.

Interesting word.  It can mean really obnoxious person that makes your skin crawl when you see them.  It can mean to move slowly and furtively to avoid detection.  That second definition can also be used in slang to mean sneaking around on your loved one (yes, that's a TLC reference).  Today though it means, all those urges and cravings and bad habits sneaking back into my routine and derailing me from success, like kudzu up a phone pole.

Last night, I got home from work to find two day laborers in my bathroom redoing the shower.  A bit weird to have two people I didn't know hanging around, but at least I have a newly tiled (albeit tiled incorrectly) shower to show for it.  I thought that I wouldn't get pressured into eating a big meal I didn't need or want simply because the kids needed to have dinner.  I just had a banana (my fruit for the day) and watched some TV.  Eventually though, my cravings got the best of me and I made the 3 (count 'em 3!) boxes of the Pillsbury ready to cook holiday cookies.  Then I doled them out stingily to the children and guarded them by putting them next to me on the couch.  It was well after 8 pm when I started making them.  I finished eating around 10:30 when I put the rest of the cookies in a bag in the kitchen for the next day.  Sadly, I brought the bag with me to work....although I have not eaten anything yet.

I am thinking that the 8pm cut off might be the hardest step so far.  I have been able to resist the urge to drink sodas, and thus far I am two for two on my goal for this week, but being awake for hours after that 8 pm cutoff knowing that I won't be able to eat anything is doing two things to me:  making me eat more before the cutoff time and making me think about food ALL the time!

Last night, as I was laying in bed regretting my food choices for the day, I thought I am not alone.  At lunch yesterday, we went to Ted's and while everyone else got a burger, I got a salad.  Although the salad did have steak strips on it, bacon and bleu cheese, it had about 2 1/2 cups of lettuce (spinach greens - my favorite), cucumbers, carrots and radishes.  I didn't eat the whole thing and I felt full and satisfied when I left the table....not uncomfortable.  Everyone that had gotten a burger was moaning and groaning about how much they had eaten, how they needed to stop eating but just couldn't and how uncomfortable they were with all that food in them.  My satisfaction lasted about 15 minutes after we got back from lunch when I was scrounging for change to get a candy bar out of the machine.   Then about 2 hours later, shared a candy bar with another friend.  And after that, finished the rest of the salad that I had packed up from the restaurant.

Next week I begin food journaling and I will force myself to write it all down.  Since I am so lazy, maybe it'll make me eat less knowing I have to document it all.  I doubt it.  I want this to be a new change for me so I will work hard to make it become a habit.  I'm only 4 days away from no sodas being a habit.  They say it takes 21 days of doing something for it to become habit.

So to make up for my late night binge, I am waiting a full 12 hours to eat something again.  Giving my body time to rest from the process of digesting.  And hopefully, I won't go overboard on the cookies again!

Until later....

Annie

So here's the skinny...

I didn't put this weight on and get unhealthy in one day.  Why am I so intent on trying to undo all this self destruction in one day?  Patience is not my forte to say the least.  I had a quick conversation this morning with someone about stress and weight gain.  They had been sick recently and couldn't believe they gained weight when they were sick...who does that?  I feel the same way, I have limited the hours I eat in (from 8am to 8pm), given up sodas and for the most part am drinking water all day.  I've gained 5 pounds since starting this.  I understand that I need to be on a restricted diet, exercise more some each day and so on and so on, but I should see a blip of a descent so I can be encouraged to keep going.

I don't want to be skinny like a rail.  I know it won't be healthy on my frame and at my age.  I want to be healthy.  Being so uncomfortable that I can't wear my high heels or even sit without being aware of how out of shape I am is a sign that I am not healthy.  Blood levels and whatever may signify something else, although I have naturally high cholesterol, but not having any energy to do anything, being in a foul mood what seems like all the time, and being consumed with thoughts of food or where I am getting my next meal, those should be signs of health as well.

We are having a department lunch today and I have already planned to get something that incorporates my one fruit and one veggie for the day.  I swear I do better when I don't even think about food.  When I forget to eat because I am so enthralled with something I can't be bothered.  What happened to those days?  They are gone like my size 6 jeans.  Long gone I should say.

I read somewhere that knowing you've lost weight in the past is proof that you have the discipline and ability to do it again, but so far it's only made me feel like more of a failure now.  The 'what's wrong with me?' thoughts of why can't I do this now if I could do it then.  But then you have to step back and think about what is different between now and then.  Too much to go into, but suffice to say I had a stronger support system and a whole lot less stress.

So everyday, I try to remember that I need to be patient.  I need to take this one day at a time.  That I cannot undo what I did yesterday, that I can only control what I am about to do next.  I have heard people say that in the past, and thankfully it's finally sinking in.  As I sit here digesting my McDonald's strawberry and banana smoothie (doesn't count as I didn't actually see fruits get put into the blender) and bemoaning my excess, I think, well the next decision will be a good one.  Even if it's one I don't like.

Sigh....until later

Annie

Week 3: The crunch begins....

So it's week 3.  Day 15.  The burn to resort to soda drinking is felt daily now.  Probably out of boredom with water, although I do like a nice ice cold glass of agua these days, but when I hear that crack of soda can being opened at the office...I start looking for change for the machine.  Cutting off consumption at 8 pm?  Struggling.  Last night, because we were out of the house so long and then came home to do decorating and such, I broke down and ate after 8....and then proceeded to eat until almost 11 pm.  (Shaking my head).  But like they say, I can't let this false step knock me off the pathway to healthiness.

And so, here I am, trying to muster up the will to create a new goal, a new good habit.  Not having lost ANY weight and in fact, gaining weight in the last two week, is so demoralizing.  I have lost weight in the past (back when Ephedra was legal) and it felt like it fell off me and I was motivated to exercise and such.  But then that was 12 years ago, I had a spouse to help with housework, the kids and finances.  Considering I am a stress eater and suddenly it feels like all I have is stress, no wonder I have packed on the pounds.

I want to do something different than I have done before, so I am not going to quit, I am not going to make excuses for sabotaging myself.  I am going to stick this through.  Slow and steady wins the race right?  Just call me Turtle then, because I want to win.  So here goes....

Week 3 Goal:  Eat at least one fruit and one veggie per day

Sounds simple, considering that whole food pyramid recommends more, but it's not a normal habit.  Fruit doesn't come out of a vending machine.  Veggies can't be bought at the convenience store.  So I have to go out of my way to include these in my diet.  Hopefully, one will lead to another will lead to another and then suddenly I'm at my 5 a day.

So far today, corn (about a cup of cooked kernels) and a banana.  I know as far as glucose levels, these are bad choices, but again baby steps.  I will educate myself as I go about this and each time I make a decision that helps me like not getting the soda and getting the water instead, I am closer to getting fit by 40.  I may not look it right now, but I'm sure I am lowering all those important levels and beginning to raise some others that need raising.

Next week is definitely the food journaling.  I'm pretty sure I'm packing in about 3,000 calories a day and we all know that won't get me anywhere except fatter and more unhealthy, but I'll worry about that next week.

Have a great night....Happy Week 3!

Annie

Day 11: I shouldn't have opened my big mouth!

Remember how I said I was expecting the weight to just fall off me now that I wasn't drinking soda anymore and instead was drinking water solely?  Yeah, ha-ha-ha....didn't happen.  Nope instead I've ballooned up to 174 lbs.  I think I outweigh most of the Tour de France riders at this point.  My only guess is that because I had a flare up with my back over the weekend, the Advil and Aleve I was taking like breath mints caused more bloating than anything.  After seeing the chiropractor this week, the pain is gone, so I have stopped the meds and have seen a slight decrease (173.8 - big whoop) in my weight.

People tell you to not look at the scale when you are trying to lose weight, but I find that without that daily motivation, either because I have gained weight and need to assess my eating and exercise or because I lost weight and want to continue what I've been doing to get there, without that...I just get out of control.  They tell you instead to judge your progress by how your clothes fit.  Well, they don't...and not in a good way.

The goal for this week has been no eating after 8pm.  On Tuesday I stopped eating at 8:02, but I am proud that I left the food on the plate and just said "Annie, you are going to do this.  Put the fork down." and followed through with that.

In addition, to the goal for the week, I began doing the Jillian Michaels "Ripped in 30" workout DVD.  So far I have done it 3 of the last 4 days and haven't made it through the Week 1 workout completely yet.  I am getting further along each time.  Last night I set the timer for 25 minutes and except for a couple of breaks to catch my breath or get water, I made it through.  Joe is very encouraging.  He can see when I feel like giving up and says "You can do this, Mommy".  I like the video because she is honest with you.  There's one section where she says she knows we can do the exercise because she has seen 400-500 pound people do it and they lived to tell about it.  She uses words like 'commit' and 'dedicate', tells us to give it all we've got, and I find that those are inspirational words. I really focus on the muscle movements and form.  After I finished last night, I didn't feel like I was going to die right there.  Well I did, but about 15 minutes later, after I caught my breath, I could feel energy was coming back in.  That's a good thing.

Someone made the comment to me yesterday about learning patience.  If they only knew how much of a struggle it is to keep myself from setting up impossible goals all at once now in my eagerness to see lasting results.  I am doing something new...relieving the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...and hopefully I will see different results this time.  Baby steps, right?

I am trying to decide what next week's goal should be.  I am wavering between food journal and one fruit/veggie per day.  Since the latter was an option for week 2, you can tell I am procrastinating on that one.  At the same time, food journaling even with all the apps out there like LoseIt is a pain in the ass.  Not because it makes you realize how much crap you are shoveling in, but because of the constant checking in and such.  Either one of these options is going to be a struggle for me, but I will know for sure on Sunday before Week 3 starts.

Well, off to eat my oatmeal and hope it has negative calories....

ttyl,

Annie

Week 2 - Fit by 40

Okay so I suck at remembering to update daily.  That's the bad news.

The good news is that I stuck to my guns and went a whole week without sodas.  YAY ME!  Okay, celebration is over.  On to week 2....

Week 2 Goal:  Nothing but water after 8 pm


Sounds so simple, but when you get home at 6:15, settle in, get homework and housework done, take care of animals, put on the elastic waist pajama pants and land on the couch, it's well after 8 pm.  And that's when I want to reward myself for another hard day survived with something sweet.  And tonight is Joe's cub scout holiday dinner which doesn't start until 7 so hopefully I'll be done and out of there by 8.

I have learned in the last week to try to be more patient as well.  It was really hard towards the end of the week to resist the carbonated fizziness of a soda, but I persevered and made it out the other side.  By Friday I was thinking of what my next week's goal was and when I would start it, but since I started Week 1 on a Monday, I figured all the weeks should start on a Monday.  Learning not to rush things is another helpful tool to get through life....probably save me $ on speeding tickets too.

So instead of trying to do everything at once, I am taking baby steps.  One thing mastered at a time before I move on and in the process I learn how to take things as they come, not rush or regret.  Wow, that sounds very zen and we all know that I am anything but, but maybe it's time to make a change.

Happy Monday!

Annie